


Midnight Mania

by TheHeathenSlave



Category: Billy Idol (Musician)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mary Sue, RPF, Self-Insert, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Thriller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-02-12 13:54:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12960750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHeathenSlave/pseuds/TheHeathenSlave
Summary: A chance encounter at Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve leaves Lisa Brixton wondering why she ever wrote that damn fan letter in the first place.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously no one should read this, I mean, as far as "self inserts" go, I'm very aware of my own personality and behavior so I'm not the most appealing Mary Sue and I write myself how I believe I behave. That being said, no one reads Billy Idol stuff anyway it seems so I guess I don't have much to worry about.

I only ever wrote that letter because, well, I thought I had nothing left. I kind of didn’t. I mean, what harm could it cause? Seeing as how I was also convinced he’d never get the letter it was more a form of closure for me. Almost like therapy. At least I’d hoped it would be. It hadn’t worked. Despite wanting it to be closure, wanting it to end, I found myself thinking more about the letter than was probably healthy for me. 

This entire obsession with this man was not healthy. Alright, it wasn’t exactly an obsession but it was close. At the end of the day as much as I thought about him and being with him I was abundantly aware that it was a dream. I didn’t live in some reality where it could possibly come true. Besides, I lived halfway across the country from him. This left my chance of running into him lower than a snowball’s chance in hell. 

All I wanted for Christmas that year, was him. I knew I would not be getting it as I headed down into the city to attend midnight mass. This year I remembered to go early as last year by the time I had arrived it was standing room only and there wasn’t any possible place for me to sit and attend. Now I was there an hour ahead of time listening to the choir sing random Christmas tunes and warm up. 

I surfed the web on my phone a bit and sent a few tweets, taking pictures of the church. The place I went was a historical landmark and recognized as such by my city. They were aware of this and decked the place out on purpose so people could take pictures. Once that was done, and people were sufficiently annoyed with the one day a year I was somewhat religious, I picked up the program and looked it over. 

The first hymn to be sung as the priest and bishop entered then made their way to the altar was God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. This changed from year to year but it was always a typical or traditional song they chose. That one happened to be one of my favorites for whatever reason, and I also was not a person who enjoyed Christmas carols. The only time I liked them was once a year at midnight mass. Unfortunately, I could barely avoid them otherwise with how much they were played in stores around this time. 

It was a bit more empty this year than the previous years. Probably because I’d opted to actually go at midnight instead of one of the earlier masses and there was an insane amount of snow on the ground. Not exactly rare for the city of Cleveland. There were also no children here, thank god, so at least I wouldn’t have to put up with crying and screaming before it began. 

When the music started I put my phone in my pocket and stood up. The choir started and then the congregation. I sang under my breath because though I liked to sing I’d never been particularly good at it. Or at least never thought I had been. It was about that moment I heard someone singing far louder than they should be singing. Almost to an obnoxious level for also being in church. No one else seemed to notice this, and to be fair, it was Christmas so maybe people just expected it. Not me, though. 

I turned to glance around and almost directly behind me, in an actual suit and tie with no weird accessories or jewelry was Billy fucking Idol. I gasped loudly and nearly fell over. The woman right next to me turned and put her hand on my arm. 

“Everything okay?” She asked softly. 

“Yeah I...I’m fine.” I whispered, not taking my eyes off of him. 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She said. 

“Not a ghost but...close enough,” I replied and kept staring. She naturally turned to see what I was staring at but she didn’t seem to recognize who he was. No one there did, or if they did, they weren’t making a big deal out of it. Probably the best thing to do since it was church, after all. 

“Do you know that man?” She asked which just confirmed that she had no clue who he was. Even if I would have said the dead giveaway would be his spiky hair since everything else was normal maybe it wasn’t obvious. Physically. The voice was. 

“Yeah, long story.” I whispered, “I’ll be okay I just need some fresh air. Can you watch my stuff?” 

“Sure sweetie.” She said. I hurried outside, completely forgetting my jacket, because I felt way too hot, and cold, hell I felt like I was halfway between life and death and the freezing cold would probably shock me back into reality and I’d soon realize that I’d merely just hallucinated Billy, he wasn’t actually there. 

Once I was outside, I took in a long, deep breath, then let it out very slowly. I reached into my back pocket to get out my cigarettes and my phone. I shakily lit the cigarette then texted a friend of mine hoping she’d ground me back to reality and tell me I was just over stressed and seeing shit. I had been working way too much to get time and a half at work and was exhausted. That had to be it. 

“Can I bum one of those?” I screamed loudly and it echoed through the back area of the church courtyard I’d gone into. Then I turned to see him standing there, the cigarette fell out of my mouth. He picked it up and put it to his own lips before taking a drag. “Didn’t mean to frighten you, love.” 

“The fuck are you doing here?” I snapped. 

“Right, wasn’t aware we met or something.” He said, “Anyway, needed to get away from the stupid cunt I took on this trip. On Christmas, because she insisted. Why the fuck I listened I don’t fucking know so I lied and told her I wanted to go to Church. She doesn’t like that shit so here I am.” 

“Lindsay....” I muttered. 

“That’s right,” he said and held the cigarette back out to me. I slowly reached to take it, “Do I know you? Usually, have a damn good memory but it’s dark out and-”

“Just a fan.” I said. 

“Like my idiot girlfriend is a fan or a normal person who knows who I am type of fan?” 

“The second one,” I whispered and took a drag from my cigarette before getting out another one to offer him. He took off his jacket and put it around me gently which was funny because he was smaller than me, which ended up meaning the jacket fit me perfectly. Well, smaller in the way he was shorter, he was definitely more muscular compared to my skinny frame. It was an oddly perfect fit. “Thanks.” 

“No worries,” He said and lit the cigarette. 

“Why did you even come out here?” I asked. 

“I saw you, you saw me, I knew you knew who I was, then you ran out of there like your arse was on fire.” He laughed, “Had to at least talk to you. Suppose I thought you were just going to leave entirely.” 

“Had to talk to me? That didn’t look utterly insane to you to a point you’d just want to avoid it?” 

“Not really,” He replied and walked over to a bench. He brushed some snow off of it with his hand, enough snow for a space for two people to sit, then sat down. “You didn’t even try to draw attention to me, say who I was, run to me...you did the exact opposite. Except, now you are claiming you are a fan, yeah? To be honest all of that is confusing. Far more interesting than midnight mass. I’ll tell you that much.’ 

“Right,” I said and came towards him. “But why the hell come to Cleveland, for Christmas, with a woman you clearly don’t like.” 

“Something about the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame and some exhibit she wanted to see I don’t know. The truth is she wants to get married there but...like that’s gonna happen.” He laughed loudly. 

“She doesn’t know you very well if she thinks you’d ever ask.” I sat down next to him but also as far away from him as I could get which instantly didn’t work. He inched towards me and put his arm around me pulling me close. Far less in a flirty manner and far more in a way that it was clear he was trying to keep me warm. Considering I was stick skinny and shaking from nerves (and the temperature at that point) it was nice but it was also painfully weird. Not to mention anxiety-inducing. 

“Interesting reply?” 

“Why? Because it sounds like I’m really weirdly obsessed with you?” I asked, “I mean I probably kind of am but not in a way that it’s also delusional.” 

“Exactly. You are obsessed with me but not delusional. That way you are all about Billy Idol without being absolutely nutty.” He grinned and took another drag from his smoke. 

“I guess that would be a good thing for a man with a huge ego.” I grinned back at him. He chuckled and shook his head then looked back up at the church. This whole situation was weird and I was wondering how to get out of it without also making an ass out of myself. It was nice, though, despite that. His arm around me and his body keeping me warm as well as his really nice leather jacket he’d put around me for no reason. 

“Do we have to go back in there?” 

“If I’m not mistaken it was your idea to go to church in the first place.” I said, “So, I mean that would be up to you but this was my only plan for the night so I mean…” 

“Change your plans.” He said. 

“What?” 

“Do something else. With me. There’s a casino here right?” He asked. 

“Yeah, why didn’t you just go there?” 

“Church is boring she wouldn’t want to actually go to a church.” 

“Why didn’t you lie?” I asked. 

“Huh, good point. Well, either way it brought me to you so maybe it’s just meant to be.” He said and stood up, “Come on, we’ll have fun. My treat.” 

“Are you fucking serious right now?” I asked. 

“As a heart attack.” He said, “You’re obviously a fan of mine and it’s Christmas Eve, consider it my gift to you.” 

“You’re a weird little man.” I said and stood up then started to head back towards the church putting my cigarette out on the sidewalk. 

“You’re seriously going to go back in there and ignore me?” He asked. 

“I have to get my jacket.” I said. 

“Just wear mine.” He said, “Is there anything in your jacket you need? It’s a church no one’s going to steal it just come back tomorrow.” He had a point. I had everything with me already. Keys, phone…I hadn’t brought any more than a few dollars for the offering when it came around which were also in my pocket. 

“Yeah but you need your jacket.” I said. 

“Not as bad as you.” He said. “Now, how do we get to this casino?” 

“I have a car.” I said and held up my ridiculous keychain which had about 9 different large objects on it. 

“Wicked.” He said and took my arm pulling me towards the parking lot, “Lets get the hell out of here then.” I wasn’t sure this was the best idea in the universe but the casino was open 24/7 regardless of holidays and it would be more fun than church. Not to mention it was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I absolutely was not willing to pass up. 


	2. Chapter 2

Once we got to my car, which was a 10 year old PT Cruiser (and not in the best shape or the cleanest) I opened the door and got in. He got in as well and looked over at me. I started the thing, luckily it was in good driving condition despite it’s appearance, and turned the heat on. It had only been an hour so the car was already slightly warmed up which meant the heat was somewhat already coming on. I took in a deep breath and tried to ignore the fact that I had just gotten into my very crappy car with Billy Idol. I looked over at him and the loud BEEP of my bluetooth speaker connecting to my iPhone jolted me back into reality. It seemed to grab his attention as well. He leaned forward and grabbed it from the dashboard where I kept it. 

“It’s an old car so I have that as a stereo system, if I’m not listening to the radio. Which I’m mostly not.” I said feeling incredibly embarrassed at how poor and low tech I was. I took it back from him and put it where it was supposed to go. I placed my phone in the cup holder next to the seat and started to back out of there. He saw his opportunity and took it, grabbing my phone. 

“Who’s this?” He asked, showing me the picture of myself and another guy on the lock screen. “If that’s your boyfriend-“ 

“Ha I wish.” I said, “Uh…sorry no it’s just an actor I like named Costas Mandylor. Actually, you two were in a movie together but hell if anyone remembers that.” 

“What movie?” He asked, bringing the phone closer, “Like the same movie but no scenes together or actually would have worked with him?” 

“No you two had scenes together. The Doors movie. He was some…Italian prince or duke or something I don’t know.” I said, reaching to try to get the phone back before he could unlock it completely. The problem was that I was driving in the snow, ice, and a full parking lot so I was forced to pay more attention to that than getting my phone back. He took advantage of this by unlocking the phone. 

“Well I definitely know who this guy is.” He said, motioning to the wallpaper which was David Bowie. 

“No shit.” I muttered. 

“Music…” He chuckled and opened the iTunes app. 

“Billy…”

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” He said, “I’m not going to be surprised to see anything by me on here. Just want to get a general idea of your music tastes otherwise.” 

“I don’t think you’ve heard of some of those people to be honest.” I said and pulled out of the parking lot, trying to convince myself this wasn’t a big deal and I shouldn’t completely panic. 

“Well I definitely know Bowie…Christ you have every song he ever sang on here, don’t you?” 

“You too.” 

“You’re a big fan though,” He said, “Or do you just have it and never listen to it like one of those idiot hipsters. Namely my girlfriend…” 

“I mainly listen to anything from Hours up to Blackstar. I mean I like the 70s stuff just fine I think his older stuff is way better and super underrated.” I said. 

“Marry me.” He whispered. 

“Ha ha.” I rolled my eyes. 

“You definitely know good music if you think that about Bowie.” He said and continued scrolling. I needed to think of a way to distract him and I honestly did not want to go to the casino. If I had to guess, whatever hotel he was staying at was close to the casino and that left a huge chance of running into this girlfriend he was trying to avoid. I knew of other things that might grab his interest though. 

“Look, the casino here is boring and really overpriced. What about a strip club?” I offered. 

“What?” He asked. 

“Strip club, there’s the Hustler club not too far from here, or Diamond’s which is right next to that. It’ll only take about five minutes to get there. I’ve never been to Hustler’s but I worked at Diamond’s and I can tell you that the girls there are-“

“You worked at a strip club?” He asked, “Like as a stripper or a bartender?” 

“Stripper. This was years ago though so-“

“No, seriously, marry me.” 

“Stop it!” I laughed, “I’m pretty sure you’ve known a lot of strippers and I’m also pretty sure they were a lot better looking than me.” 

“Not in the 80s.” He said. “You really want to go to a strip club? Or are you just trying to distract me away from your phone?” 

“Little bit of both.” I said, “But I really do like strip clubs.” 

“Strip club it is then, lets go to this Diamond’s place. Since you worked there.” He said and motioned his hand towards the road flippantly before going back to my phone. 

“Won’t your girlfriend be…”

“She can go fuck herself.” He cut me off very quickly, “Who the hell is Scott Grimes?” I grabbed the phone away from him and put it in the side pocket of my car door so he’d have a very hard time getting it back. “Bitch.” 

“Look, that’s my phone and it has weird stuff on it and I really don’t want you to find that weird stuff.” I said, “I can just tell you things, if you ask the right questions.” 

“What’s on the phone?” He asked. 

“None of your business.” 

“Let me guess, you have some album on there with like 800 pictures of me. Is that what you are hiding?” 

“396.” I replied, “Crap.” 

“Where the fuck did you even get 396 pictures?” He asked. 

“The internet. Come on, you can’t be that surprised.” I looked over at him. 

“Not really,” He said and then grabbed the pack of cigarettes sticking out of my pocket, “Can I smoke in here?” 

“Yeah.” 

“So let me guess, most of them are like…young Billy right?” He took out a cigarette and lit it before cracking the window and exhaling. 

“No.” I sighed, “Much like Bowie I appreciate older you far more than younger you. Not that there is anything wrong with the younger versions of either of you but I mean…damn. Look at you. Fuck me right?” 

“Huh?” 

“Sorry, forgot I was actually talking to you for a moment and it wasn’t just in my head.” I said. 

“What does any of that mean? Seriously, explain yourself woman.” 

“You’re lucky I’m not a woman who gets upset when you phrase things like that.” I laughed, “All I meant was that I appreciate older more mature men. You’ve always been good looking you’ve just hit your peak basically…now. You have no idea what you do to me.” 

“Maybe I want an idea.” He said, reaching over and putting his hand on my thigh. For whatever reason this caused me to slam on the breaks of the car which immediately started to slide, and also caused him to grab my thigh because he was shocked. Which wasn’t helping. Luckily since it was Christmas Eve and basically midnight, no one was on the road. 

“Shit!” I hissed and started to pump the breaks since I did not have an anti-lock break system in this old piece of junk. I got control of the car again and started to drive normally. It was a decently smooth recovery, considering the circumstances. Except now my heart was pounding and not only because he still had his hand on my thigh. 

“Fucking hell, you’d prefer to kill us both than to sleep with me?” He laughed breathlessly. 

“I just wasn’t expecting that, is all.” I said, heading down the hill that would take us to what was essentially the strip club district of the city. Or at least one of them. “Besides, you have a girlfriend.” 

“And?” 

“Good point.” I sighed. Why did I think that was going to stop him from trying to have sex with me? There were so many things I wanted to ask about that bitch too, the problem was that if I started to get into it he’d think I was a stalker. Which wasn’t the case. I was just really super interested in human behavior and psychology and that woman, whoever she was, defied every last bit of it. Or at least in the public eye of what I could see myself, what others could see. Which lead me to question heavily what he saw in her and the best I could figure was it was either blackmail or he’d completely given up on trying to find anyone else. 

“Right, so…where is this strip club?” He asked. I motioned to it because we were almost there and then pulled into the parking lot and shut the car off. 

“I really don’t have any money so…” 

“Don’t worry about it. Let Billy take care of ya.” He said and got out. I sighed and got out as well. He tossed his cigarette out and put an arm around me again, pulling me close. He walked up to the door and opened it, bringing me inside like that. I still had his jacket on around me. We got to the front area where there would be a cover charge that needed to be paid. Except the bouncer recognized Billy and let him in immediately without paying anything. He then picked up his radio to inform the manager. “None of that’s necessary…” 

“I know it’s not but…policy.” The bouncer said then nodded at me. Luckily it had been a long time since I’d worked there so I didn’t know him and probably would not know any of the girls currently there. Billy directed me to the second door but it opened before he could open it and the manager was standing there looking happy. 

“So glad you could join us tonight. Let me show you to the champagne room.” The manager said. 

“Really, not necessary, like to sit up close and personal with the girls.” Billy said then made a motion with his hands like he was grabbing, well, something. Really he could have been indicating ass or tits, didn’t matter. The manager laughed softly. 

“Well, it’s crowded tonight and I can’t guarantee your privacy if you,” 

“Fuck it I don’t care about that. Don’t need or want special treatment.” He said, walking me into the club. I had a feeling he was going to get special treatment regardless of him saying that but I found it very admirable that he was trying to brush all of this off and just do everything normally even if it was a strip club and not the most fancy of places. We found a booth and though it was crowded it was dark so no one really seemed to give a shit he was there. Probably because they couldn’t tell it was him. He wasn’t in his normal punk attire either, it was only his hair that would give him away if he could be seen in the clear light of day. I was wearing his jacket, which was the leather punk thing so it would be harder to ascertain who he was. 

We sat down, together and he pulled me close. It was nice, and he smelled nice. I was considerably taller than him while standing, especially since I was in high heels, but sitting down like this leveled the playing field. I leaned against him and sighed. I would have to limit myself to only one drink, and slowly, since I was also going to have to drive out of there and get him back to his hotel room. I wasn’t going to comment on anything he did though, that was his own business. Before he could motion to get someone’s attention to order a drink a bottle of champagne and two glasses were brought to our table. He generously tipped the girl who had brought it and thanked her. She didn’t seem to know who he was other than he was important and she was told to do this. He opened the bottle and poured one of the glasses, holding it out to me. 

“Thanks.” I said loudly over the music. He poured a glass for himself and took a sip. 

“So,” He said, leaning into me, “Which of these girls here does it for you?” He motioned around to the dancers. I glanced around as well but they were harder to see in the dark. There was a girl on the stage finishing up the song that she was currently dancing to but she hadn’t taken her top off yet so I knew it was just the first song. She was actually pretty hot. Long blond hair, curvy, nice breasts. Very long and shapely legs. I smiled. 

“She’s nice.” I said, motioning to the one already at the pole. 

“You have very good taste.” He said. I laughed and took a sip of my drink. 

“You do too.” 

“Not currently.” He rolled his eyes and downed what was in his glass reaching to pour another. I assumed he was referencing this girlfriend he was now using me as an excuse to avoid. Unless…

“Wait you don’t mean-“

“No I don’t mean you.” He cut me off quickly, “You are very hot. Don’t know what I was thinking with Lindsay, somehow she’s white trash but also rich. How the fuck do you pull that off?” 

“No idea.” I said. 

“You want a dance from her? How much do they cost now?” 

“Don’t play dumb.” 

“I’m actually quite serious. Haven’t done this in ages. Don’t know why either. These places a fucking awesome.” He reached into his back pocket and took out a wallet, looking through it he pulled out a decent wad of cash and set it on the table. That’s when the song ended and the intro to White Wedding started up as the next one. 

“That’s right show your love for Angel, second song of three, show her your love. Topless table dances ten dollars, twenty for all nude. Every lady available on the floor!” The DJ announced. I looked over at Billy. 

“Guess that answers that question.” He said, “You want a dance from her?” 

“Not more than you probably do.” 

“Ah, perhaps but…I don’t want that more than I want to watch you with another woman.” He grinned. “Besides, listen to what she’s dancing to. Think it’s a sign.” 

“I think you lost your mind.” I laughed. 

“No need to worry, I believe you’ll take very good care of me, yeah?” He put his hand on my thigh again and I froze. Luckily I’d decided to wear pants to this church service instead of a dress because of how cold it was out, or he’d be touching my bare skin and I would have lost my mind far more. “Going to freeze like that every damn time I touch you?” 

“No,” I said slowly but also figured it was probably a lie because I didn’t know if I would or not. “Maybe a little warning would be-“ He didn’t let me finish before pulling me into a kiss. One would have thought that his huge mouth might have made it relatively sloppy but in reality, it just made him a thousand times better at it and damn did he ever know what to do with his tongue. I melted into the kiss very easily, and it lasted for a good minute before he moved back and put his hand on my cheek, looking into my eyes. 

“Huh…guess I should have tried that first.” He smiled. 

“Shut…up…” I panted and looked away from him, glad that it was so dark in there that there was no way he could see me blushing. 

“Be a good girl and go give her a tip.” He said and picked up a twenty dollar bill. I looked at him oddly, “Yes I know it’s not a single but who gives a shit she’s hot, you’re hot, lets get sexy in this bitch.” 

“Right…” I laughed and took it from him. “You’re sure.” 

“Well I’m not made of money but I’m made of enough money I can throw twenty dollars at a stripper.” He said, rolling his eyes. “Do you want to debate everything here or have a good time?” 

“Alright, alright.” I took the money then got up and headed towards the stage where the girl, Angel, was dancing to White Wedding. This entire moment was incredibly surreal. I was about to hand her a twenty dollar bill from the very singer of the song she was dancing to. When I got up there, I had to shove my way through a small crowd of other guys, who were kind of rude until they realized I was a female and trying to tip the dancer. I held the twenty out and she saw me, the amount being a bit more enticing than the dollars and five dollar bills otherwise. She danced over to me and then got down in a seductive crawl before sliding to her knees and leaning in to take the money, making sure to get her very nice tits right in my face. I was not complaining, and I’m sure Billy wouldn’t be from where he was seated back in the dark. After giving me a nice little show she took the money and leaned in to kiss my cheek. 

“Thank you, sweetie.” She whispered. 

“Come see me after, I want a dance.” I said, and motioned to the table where I was sitting before and Billy currently sat. She nodded and moved back to continue dancing and taking the other tips. I walked back over to the booth and sat down, only to be pulled close to Billy again, he kept his arm around me and picked up his drink. 

“You really do like this shit, thought you were maybe only trying to impress me.” He said. 

“Are you kidding? I don’t care if you are Billy Idol I’m not going to fake my personality to impress you.” I said and rolled my eyes. Then I realized how bitchy that sounded, “Sorry, what I meant was…”

“No…I know what you meant and I like it.” He chuckled and took another sip of his drink. 

“I told her to come over here when she was done, that I wanted a dance.” 

“Nice,” He replied. 

“You have considered that because she’s dancing to one of your songs she might-“ 

“Obviously,” He said, “But, that might make it more fun. Hell, it also depends if she actually recognizes me. You’d be surprised how many people don’t.” 

“Actually, I probably wouldn’t.” I sighed, “Pretty sure a lot of your fans expected you to stay 20 forever.” 

“Depressing, ain’t it?” 

“Well, you found the one fan who didn’t. Or at least one of them. Probably not the only one.” 

“I think you actually are.” He laughed. I hit his arm playfully and then reached for my drink again, relaxing into him while I watched Angel finish her set on stage. “What if I don’t believe you were ever a dancer?” 

“For one, I don’t give a shit if you believe me or not, but for two, how would I prove it to you anyway? The reason I don’t dance any more is a knee injury, also I’m in my 30s so I’m old.” 

“Fuck that, you certainly are not old.” He said, “But knee injury, that’s a bitch.” 

“Meh, it’s not as bad as your leg.” I said, “Crap…sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing for honesty, appreciate that more than someone trying to lick my ass and tell me it’s chocolate.” He said, “Look, just relax. I like you just fine and if there comes a point in the night that I stop liking you I’ll let you know. I think you of all people believe that to be true.” 

“Fair enough.” I said but this time I put my hand on his thigh, my very shaky hand. He looked over at me and I slowly ran it up towards his crotch, rubbing it over the obvious bulge there. I didn’t know if it was for me, for the dancer, or for both. I did like feeling it though. He was much larger than I had expected, and I could very much tell through the slacks he was wearing. My eyes went wide. 

“All for you, baby.” He leaned in and growled in my ear. I let out a stupid little breathless half moan half mewling sound and gave him a firm but sensual squeeze before moving my hand back. “Tease.” 

“Learn to live with it, you have no idea what you’ve been doing to tease me this past year.” I said. 

“Year?” He asked, “Wait, that’s how long you’ve…what album is your favorite?” 

“Kings and Queens of The Underground.” I said, “I mean I think they are all good but that one is…” 

“I think I love you.” 

“You do not.” I laughed. 

“You do realize no one ever says that one first, yeah?” 

“Not no one, I just did. So deal with it, Billy.” I turned and stuck my tongue out at him. He smiled and shook his head. Angel’s set ended and she got off of the stage. After getting dressed again and talking to a few different men who had been waiting for her she came over to our table and sat down. I supposed since I’d given her the biggest tip on stage she assumed we would be top priority and I wasn’t wrong about that because she had her eyes on me far before Billy. 

“Right so where do we do this dance, thing?” Billy asked before Angel could even say hi to us. She turned and looked at him, her eyes sort of squinting in the dark. It was possible she recognized the voice but maybe she wasn’t putting tow and two together just yet, it was hard to see him and it wasn’t like a British accent was the most rare thing in this city. 

“Oh right, depends on what you two wanted. Is this a couples thing?” She asked then looked at me. 

“Guess you could say that.” I said and shrugged. 

“Damn right it is, there’s got to be a VIP area or whatever in this place, right?” 

“Back there.” Both me and Angel said at the same time, motioning to and area of the club where there was a neon VIP sign lit up in a dark corner. 

“Wait, how did you know?” Angel asked, “Never even seen you in here before, or him.” 

“I used to work here. Ten years ago so I doubt we ever met.” I said. 

“Oh neat!” She said, “Well, if that’s what you want then let me show you.” She stood up and reached for my hand, I glanced at Billy and took it, allowing her to help me up. He stood up as well and brushed himself off a bit, looking her over then me, as if he was trying to picture us together. 

“Lead the way, Angel.” He said, gesturing with his hand almost theatrically. 

“Do I know you?” Angel asked. 

“Probably.” He said but didn’t elaborate. She looked at me and I just shrugged. If she figured it out on her own, then great but I wasn’t going to stall the moment by flat out telling her who he was when he’d made it somewhat clear already he just wanted to be treated normally and not given special attention tonight. It probably wouldn’t be good for him to end up in some tabloid that talked about how he was at a strip club, especially since he was supposed to be here with his girlfriend and I was not that girlfriend. 

Once we were in the VIP section, we both sat down in one of the sectioned off booths with a curtain, once again, he pulled me close making sure his arm was around me. I was still baffled about why I was so special, suddenly, but it occurred to me that maybe I wasn’t special as much as I just wasn’t Lindsay and I was genuinely into him but not in an insanely delusional way. If I had to guess he was at least assuming that this would lead to sex at some point and as much as I really wanted to do that I wasn’t sure I could. 

“So, is this a double dance or just for her while you watch?” Angel asked Billy. 

“Her, while I watch.” He said and held out some amount of money to her. I knew that he only seemed to have a stack of twenties and there was more than one in what he was holding out. “Make it as dirty as legally possible, please.” She took the money and tucked it into her garter then nodded. 

“You got it.” She grinned. I looked at him and he moved to the side just a bit to give her and me, more room. I would have liked to have been more focused on this woman because God Damn she was sexy but Billy Idol was right next to me and getting off on watching this, which was too much for me to be able to concentrate on how amazing this woman was, or what she was doing. I tried, and for small windows of time it definitely worked, but my attention was always drawn back to him. I could basically come here any time and see Angel. I knew this was going to end up being a one night, one time, thing and I couldn’t waste the moment only focusing on her. 

“At the risk of sounding painfully stupid, is that Billy Idol?” Angel suddenly whispered in my ear. She was on the opposite side of me and it was soft enough that I was sure he couldn’t hear or even tell she was talking to me. It would just look like she was leaning into me to dance. 

“Yes,” I whispered casually turning my mouth towards her ear, “Just don’t make a big deal out of it, please…” 

“I won’t.” She whispered back, “You his girl?” 

“I suppose tonight I am.” I muttered. 

“Lucky bitch.” She giggled and then went back to dancing in a way that I couldn’t exactly keep talking to her. The comment definitely wasn’t in a mean spirited way but I didn’t feel lucky. Maybe other people would, even if it was just for one night, but knowing it was going to end and I was going to have to go back to where I was the next day wasn’t my idea of being lucky. She danced for quite a bit before stopping, by my count it was five songs which would have totaled to 100 dollars, which is what he must have given her. “Alright, times up.” 

“If I give you 100$ more can you find an excuse to leave us alone back here for about 20 minutes?” Billy asked. 

“I’ll do it for $50. Punk rocker discount.” She said and held her hand out to him. 

“See you figured it out.” He smirked and handed her the money. 

“Of course I did.” She said, “Have fun with that one, she’s cute. Lucky bastard.” She smiled at Billy then grabbed her stuff and left, pulling the curtain shut once she was gone. Billy grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. I yelped softly and looked down into his eyes. 

“Look, I don’t know what you think is going to happen but-“ 

“Shhh,” He put his fingers over my lips, “I know what I want to happen but I’m not going to make you do anything, nor guilt you into it. I’d like it though, I’d like it a lot.” 

“Billy,” I said taking his wrist in my hand so I could kiss his fingers softly, “I’m not saying I don’t want to either because I do I mean really, really do. I’m just not going to do it here in a strip club VIP room. I also can’t take you home with me, because I don’t live alone and I really don’t want to have to answer questions about that.” 

“We’ll get a hotel room then.” He said, his hands sliding down to my hips and holding them firmly, pushing me down a bit so I could feel how aroused he was. I let out a soft groan and pressed my face into his neck, taking in his scent and rubbing against him a bit. 

“The hotel room you have with your girlfriend?” 

“A different one.” He said, “I’m sure there’s something around here. Just need to find it.” 

“Am I a one night stand?” I asked him, pulling back to look him in the eyes. He didn’t have to say anything to confirm it because him looking away from me was what made me know. I nodded. “Then you are going to hate me which is understandable but no.” 

“No?” He asked. 

“I realize that it’s incredibly selfish and horrible of me to ask not to be a one night stand but…I’m not that type of girl.” I told him, “And this is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I want to be with you. As a person. Not your fame, not your money, you. I want to be with the man that wrote that amazing book, the man who writes those songs. I want to be with the poet, the artist, the dreamer, the human being. I don’t want one night with the sex god. I want a lifetime with the artist. I’m sorry.” I stood up, my legs shaking and my chest so tight that it was painful I knew I was going to cry. I just didn’t want him to see it. 

“Wait I…I don’t even know your name.” 

“It’s probably better that way.” I told him. 

“I want to know it.” He said. “Would like to remember the girls who turned me down.” 

“Really?” I asked, “I’m pretty sure that-“ 

“I want to remember the girl who I liked who turned me down.” He corrected. I felt my heart squeeze and shatter into a million different pieces. If he liked me then why was he letting me go? Why was he going to go back to that bitch that he clearly wanted nothing to do with 90% of the time, at least in the pictures I’d seen it seemed that way. I put my hand to my throat and tried to catch my breath. 

“Lisa. Lisa Brixton. I should go.” I moved to pull the curtain back but he stood up quickly and put his hand on my arm, grabbing it firmly but not painfully. 

“You wrote that letter.” He said. It wasn’t a question. 

“You got that letter and remembered my name?” I asked, completely shocked. It wasn’t that I was unaware that he had a good memory because he had an incredible memory but I had also assumed it was only the type that retained things that were significant to him. Important. 

“Of course.” He said. “Fuck, what are the odds?” 

“Why do you think I ran out of the church like that?” I asked him. 

“That letter it was like nothing I’ve ever gotten before.” He replied and let go of my arm. He stepped back and sat down again. The way he said that, it didn’t seem like a good thing. Not in the slightest. The tears started to fall and I wiped my eyes quickly. 

“I’m sorry.” I said, “I should go.” I hurried out of there quickly, not wanting to rick becoming a sobbing mess in front of him. Something like that would really only make things worse. The cold air hit me like a ton of bricks, my hands shaking as I got to my car and pulled myself inside. Once I’d gotten in there, I started it, but I soon figured out there was no way I was driving anywhere. Not in the moment. Instead, I put my head against the steering wheel and sobbed. 


	3. Chapter 3

When I finally looked up from the steering wheel and was composed enough to drive, I wiped my face and noticed something on the passenger's seat. Other than the fact that there was snow there, there was a white envelope. A nice one. The window had been left open a crack from when Billy had lit a cigarette in my car earlier and it hadn't been rolled back up after the time which we arrived. Not that it was a big deal as there was nothing in my car to steal and nothing about my entire car that was worth stealing. Besides, lots like these were watched pretty closely anyway for the safety of the girls inside. I wouldn't have had to worry about much no matter how long I had been in there. There was no one around though, not even him. I really had blown it and I was an idiot but I couldn't bring myself to be that type of woman. I had never been and I wouldn't do it even for him. I grabbed the envelope out of curiosity and opened it up. 

Inside was a wedding invitation. It was announcing the wedding of Billy Idol to...Lindsay. That wasn't right, except it had to be right. There was no one around other than him who could have left that there and no one around who would have thought to prank me like that at that exact moment. Why had he left this here? He had implied through our conversations that it wasn't going to happen but it looked like it was. On New Year's Eve. At the Rock Hall, as he had said she wanted. Why, though? He didn't believe in marriage so if he was marrying her then it wasn't something he wanted to do. Possibly why he was getting ready to cheat on her with me, a reason for her to call it off. Or a last-ditch attempt at having some sort of free and uncaring fling before the moment he had to call it quits. 

The only problem was that the pictures of him with her were not hard to find. They were public searches. I'd seen them, so had everyone. Even though the majority of his fan base seemed to be blind to his expressions in the pictures, I wasn't. I didn't know how anyone else saw him as happy with this woman. Maybe it came down to the fact that I was someone educated in psychology and most of the rest of the world was very bad at examining body language and faces the correct way. A shit ton of people I personally knew had a very hard time telling a real smile from a fake one. I guess that meant it wasn't entirely surprising that all people saw in those pictures was his smile and not what was behind it. Clear misery in his eyes. At times I thought maybe it was something I was projecting onto him myself but the thing was that I didn't think I deserved him. If anything, I was the last person I thought was a good match for him. 

The thing about Billy had always been that I knew I would never get to be his girlfriend. Which I was fine with. I just wanted him to be happy. If that meant being with me, then great, but since I knew that wasn't going to happen I wanted him to dump this bitch that he clearly didn't like and find someone he did. It seemed to be that his heart was held by his very first love Perri but he was aware he wasn't getting that back. A massive fucking shit storm of a situation that was ending in a marriage that he definitely didn't want. Except, it still brought me back to why? He had resisted this for years, decades, and this woman got him? No, it didn't sit right. All I could think in that moment was she had something on him, or she was forcing him into it and he didn't believe there was a way out other than going along with it. Why leave that invitation there. Not only did it tell me where and when this wedding was, but it would get me in. Even if he didn't want me, it seemed he wanted me to break the marriage up. Did I want to be that person? It would leave me with a very long-standing and awful reputation but it would save him and since the only thing I wanted in this was for him to be happy, what kind of person would I be if I didn't do something? 

New Year's Eve was in a few days. Tomorrow was Christmas. I had time to decide what to do if I wanted to do anything at all. I would have thought it might be bigger news that he was getting married. Then again, I barely paid attention to that stuff. It wasn't on his twitter that I could recall, nor was it on her Instagram which I looked at from time to time. They were keeping it relatively quiet for whatever reason. Maybe at his insistence. Maybe at hers. I knew about it now and the only thing left was to decide what I'd do with this information if I did anything with it at all. 

* * *

The next few days passed as I sat on the information I had been given. It was a blessing and a curse and usually when met with a conundrum such as this one I just didn't do anything. My brain preferred to assume that things would just sort themselves out and I wouldn't have to do anything. Yet, every day that passed I saw nothing was happening. I tried looking at different pages, social media, anything, but there was no buzz about this wedding and nothing about anyone trying to stop it. I didn't want to comment on it because either I wouldn't be believed or I would be believed too much and this would get me attacked. It also risked exposing something that they obviously were trying to do privately. 

I didn't even tell my friends about this. I carried on with life trying to pretend that nothing happened. I knew my friends would at least believe me but I didn't see the point in trying to tell them until I had resolved this or at very least figured out what I was going to do. It made it up to the very day of the wedding before I decided that maybe I'd just go. Even if I wasn't going to crash it or try to stop it, I was invited and it would be stupid to pass that up, wouldn't it? I also knew that he had recognized me and said something about my letter, but as I recalled he hadn't exactly said it as if it were a good thing. Not that the letter was anything crazy, it was kind of depressing if anything. Maybe that's why he had made that face. Whatever, it didn't matter. I was going to go to Billy Idol's wedding and whatever happened would just happen. I'd leave it out of my hands. 

Since I didn't want to alert my roommates to the fact that I was doing something special I left the house dressed casually and changed into a more formal green dress I owned in the car after I'd pulled over to a somewhat abandoned area where I wouldn't be seen doing it. I changed my shoes as well and then headed down to the Rock N Roll hall of fame. When I got there, it was blocked off, but there was a sign that indicated where cars could go for the wedding if they had an invitation. I got the invitation out of the glove compartment and showed it to the guard at one of the barriers. I was let in without any questions and took advantage of the complimentary valet parking. It allowed me to walk right in. There was a crowd of people there. Quite a few famous faces too. I shouldn't have been surprised by that but I also wasn't enticed by them or interested. It was neat to see some of these rockers all in the same place but it was debatable how much of a fan I was of any of them and in that case they were all just normal people to me. 

I didn't expect to see Billy anywhere because it was before the wedding and people were just hanging around. It would depend on a lot of factors as well. Typically the bride wasn't someone who was out before the wedding but the groom sometimes came out to talk to people and sometimes didn't. This wedding didn't seem to be of any specific religious denomination, which also wasn't a surprise. Despite his rosary beads and crosses all through the 80s and 90s I didn't think he exactly identified as any specific religion. I knew his background seemed to be mixed anyway. As an adult, that usually changed for everyone. I was barely catholic myself. I only went on holidays, and sometimes I was even too lazy for that. 

The area where everyone was gathered had drinks available because it was an evening wedding, and so I grabbed a glass of wine as it passed by on a tray. People looked at me but no one tried to talk to me. Since there were people there who weren't famous as well as who were, I fit in since no one expected me to be famous, necessarily. They just expected me to have an invitation otherwise I wasn't going to be let in. That much was made clear from how hard it had been to get in here earlier. No signs of Billy anywhere. I was pretty sure I saw Mick Jagger, though. Only pretty sure because he seemed shorter than I imagined him to actually be and it was only for a moment. They did know each other but I couldn't imagine Jagger coming to Cleveland for any damn reason. Not even for this. 

I started to poke around until I spotted an area that was implied to be off limits. By which I mean, no one was going back there and there was a sign that said "Wedding party Only". Obviously, everyone around there was polite enough to not start poking around back there but everyone wasn't me. I downed the wine I was holding and started to walk back there confidently. Through my life, I had found that if you walked somewhere confidently and looked like you were supposed to be there, very few people questioned it. People usually only got caught "sneaking" somewhere because they looked like they were sneaking. The key was to look the exact opposite of suspicious. I'd done this a few times in my life and gotten backstage to shows just because people assumed I was supposed to be there. With any event, there was a good chance that hundreds of people were involved and not everyone knew everyone else. Just hold your head up high and keep walking. If you are stopped and questioned, bullshit. Most people didn't possess the level of confidence that I had to even attempt that, or think to do it, but it was normal for me at that point. 

I turned a corner into a more quiet area where there were two rooms, one was labeled as BRIDE and one was labeled as GROOM. Well, this was a no-brainer. I walked right to the GROOM's door and knocked on it before putting my hand on the handle. I attempted to turn it and surprisingly as all hell, it wasn't locked. Not expecting this I basically fell into the room as the door swung open. A small yelp of surprise left me at the same time, but no one was in here. At least it didn't appear that way at first. I quickly shut the door behind me but I did it as quietly as I could because I didn't want to draw attention from the outside that someone had gone in here in a hurry. It was a good thing that I decided to do that in such a manner because in a room attached to this one I could hear a voice. It wasn't Billy's but after a moment of paying attention, I could tell that the woman was talking to him and she had to be Lindsay. I'd never heard her speak before but the context of the conversation didn't make any sense for it to be anyone else. 

"All of my friends are here, you need to start fucking acting like my husband." 

"Not your husband just yet," He grumbled. 

"What was that?" She snapped back at him, "You better damn well see this through because you know what happens if you don't." 

He grumbled something but then there was the clear sound of someone being slapped and I highly doubted it was him slapping her. I knew I shouldn't be in there but this was interesting so I also wasn't going to leave. I looked around the room and saw a desk off to the side with a bunch of stuff on it. It definitely looked like his stuff and there was a mirror set up there too. I was small so it was easy enough to hurry and hide under it. Something which was done right in time too because it was only moments later that she yelled at him to step up his game before storming out of there. She paid no attention to that area of the room, probably to blindly focused on getting back out there and making a good impression with her so-called friends. I'd seen them all on Instagram commenting on her crappy pictures. They were all spoiled rich girls like her. I could imagine a man like Billy who was never around to impress anyone felt like this was torture to him. Yet, he was doing it, and because of something she was threatening. Hell if I knew what that was though. 

"Fucking cunt." I heard him say loudly, but after she was gone so I figured he knew she wasn't going to be able to hear it. He came into the room and I saw his legs. There was the familiar sound of a lighter sparking. A moment later I could smell what was definitely weed and not a cigarette. I wondered if it was the best idea to be smoking that here of all places but then decided since he was a celebrity and this was a private area of the museum maybe no one was going to have a fit over it. He headed towards the desk, towards the chair that was blocking me and I gasped. 

"Okay don't get mad but I'm in here." I said quickly, figuring I was about to get caught anyway. 

"What?" I heard him ask and then he looked down under the desk, "Lisa?" 

"Yeah, I got the invitation." I replied but still didn't try to move. He stared at me and then took another long drag from the joint he was smoking. It stayed silent like that for a very long moment before he exhaled and pulled the chair back then motioned for me to come out. I did that, and headed for the door, probably looking as ashamed as I felt. 

"No one told you to leave." He said. 

"Uh...okay..." I paused and turned around, "That was you then, wasn't it?" 

"No shit." He sat down and held the joint out towards me. I didn't think this was the best time for me to get stoned by any means and I typically didn't get stoned on pot when I did get high but I couldn't resist the urge to actually share a joint with Billy Idol. I reached out and took it then took a small hit, enough that I'd only really get lightly buzzed if anything, and held it back out to him. Damn, this was strong stuff. Of course, that's what he would have. I coughed as I exhaled. 

"Fuck..." I breathed. 

"Good right?" He took the joint back and took another drag. It was good shit and if he was smoking a lot of this, it definitely explained his rough voice. Well, that and the myriad of other drugs he'd done in his life and the smoking. 

"Why did you want me here?" I asked and looked around until I found a place to sit. 

"You seemed like you'd make things interesting." He said. 

"In what way?" I asked him. 

"I don't know, you're kind of one of those ' _honest tell it like it is_ ' bitches so I guess I was hoping to introduce you to my fiance." He said. 

"Woah okay I can't break up a marriage that would be-" 

"Even if I asked?" he asked. 

"No offense but why don't you man up and fucking do it yourself?" I snapped at him. He stared at me for a long moment before starting to laugh. 

"That's exactly the reason I invited you here. That shit. I love it." He grinned and took one last drag from the joint before snuffing it out in an empty glass that was sitting near him on the desk. I sighed and brought my hands up to rub at my eyes. 

"I heard what she said, something about consequences if you didn't go through with this," I told him. 

"And?" 

"Well, what are the consequences and don't you think if I broke up this wedding she'd just go through with that shit anyway out of spite?" I asked.

"Shit." 

"Shit is right. Didn't even think this through did you?" I asked and folded my arms over my chest. He stared blankly for a moment then blinked a few times as if he were trying to pull himself out of a daze. I didn't doubt he was already nice and stoned before that joint, so adding more on top of it wasn't going to help him.  "How high were you when you came up with this plan and at what point did I become a part of it?" 

"I'm desperate, Lisa, I don't know what to do. I don't want to marry her but she's got me fucking good okay?" 

"With what?" I asked. 

"It's bad enough I don't even want to tell you." He said and started to mess with his tie, "Who the fuck likes these things anyway? Fucking wedding tux. This is very not my style." 

"I know." I said, "Billy, I can't help you if I don't know what she has on you." 

"I don't think you could even if you did know." He said, "Let's just say it has something to do with getting me drunk and involving me with someone who was 17 years old." 

"And she has proof of this?" 

"Yes," He said, "I was very drunk, in fact, I'm pretty sure more than drunk. As in something in my drink because I don't remember fucking any of it but there are pictures and that's definitely me. Don't think it went much farther than a very sloppy looking makeout groping thing because if it did, she'd have pictures of that too. Still, at my age? If that gets out...what do you think's going to happen?" 

"Christ," I muttered. He was right. Men had done far less to girls and gotten in trouble. I definitely believed him, though. I vaguely recalled a part in his book where he was nearly trapped into something with a minor but figured it out and got rid of her before anything could happen. He was careful, and if this happened it wasn't due to anything that he'd wanted. From the way that woman was talking, I could tell that she was scum and it was all her. There was no hiding that. Except, if this got out, he'd be destroyed pretty hard and there might be no redemption from it. Though there was always a possibility that his dedicated fans would stand by him, with or without proof, the last thing he needed was to lose the small bit of publicity he currently had over some scandal that another woman had created for her own personal gain. "Where are the pictures?" 

"If I knew that, don't you think I'd have taken care of it by now?" He asked, "I'm sure she has digital copies and probably backups of those. Fuck if I know how to get into her phone or computer, there's a password on each." 

"Shit." I sighed, "Look, I don't know how to help you out with this but maybe she's just bluffing. If she goes through with this then she goes down with you. Her gravy train will run out." 

"Not sure she gives a shit." He said, "If she can't have me she doesn't want anyone else to have me and this would certainly make sure of it." 

"I'd still have you." I shrugged. 

"You'd still have me, even if I was a pariah, I mean far more of the one I already am to a lot of people. You'd do that?" He asked then laughed in disbelief, "Right. It would be like dragging you through hell." 

"It'd be better than doing it alone and staying with this bitch you clearly don't want." I said, "I know you don't know me but it's my offer. I can't break up this marriage because I sure as shit won't be famous for doing that but I will stand by you in the event that she fucks you over. You just have to call." I reached into my bag and got out a business card. I was a freelance writer and not making very good money at it, but at least it was something. I stood up and walked over to his desk and set it down on the corner. 

"You aren't making any of this easy on me, you know that right?" He asked. 

"Life's a bitch, Billy." I replied, "Already told you I'm not going to change my personality for anyone, even if you are Billy Idol. Either like it or don't. I'm going to go enjoy the free booze and food either way. Take care." I was nice and buzzed from the weed and of course, this was making me hungry. I left before he could say anything else because I knew at that point he was going to need a moment to think about this for himself, something that I couldn't help with and something I was going to refuse to decide for him. It was time to man up or shut up and accept his fate. I couldn't have anything to do with that. 


End file.
